The Whole Nine Yards

Sometimes I forget I'm German.  I feel more like a Scottish Terrier. Bagpipes blaring, tartan flying, there was even a dinner here recently honoring the famous Robert Burns. Even us dogs know who he is. Haggis was served, and lucky Dougal and I got to have the leftovers for a week! Anyway, one of my favorite things to do is to "bless the tartan," a ritual I invented that involves me walking the length of tartan as it is laid out on the floor, being measured for a new kilt. I consider that I am adding a good luck factor to the kilt. If you get one made by my person and it has a little dog hair on it, don't be annoyed, be pleased because you have been bestowed with my good luck.

Hannah

The Sherman Oaks River

I love walkies. What dog doesn't? My route has a river that I love to run in. I make a great splashing sound with my somewhat unladylike paws. There tends to be a bit of slimy plant matter growing on the bottom which can be very slippery. In fact, once I slipped and got dragged for 10 feet because my person didn't realize I had fallen down! Sometimes I catch a sip or two if it's a hot day, although that is usually met with a disapproving tone by the person on the other end of the leash. Sometimes we go on the walk the day after my weekly bath...then I'm a extra stinky for the week. Maybe that's why Dougal avoids the river. He's a little like Felix Unger...

My Magnificent Dinner Bowl

I love hanging out near the dishwasher. My happiest moments are spent there, helping my person "clean the plates" as they get added to the dishwasher. There's some yummy stuff on some of those dishes! Others, not so much. I have to work fast, because you never know when I'm gonna get shooed away.

Another reason I love to hang out there is meal preparation. MY meal preparation. The counter above the dishwasher is where that mouthwatering can-opening sound happens, and the luscious scraping and plopping sounds of the deliciousness being transferred to my dish, and Dougal's, too.

One day, I was extra excited because my bowl was hanging out over the edge more than usual. I was trying to get close to it to sniff it, and I distinctly remember using the door of the dishwasher as a sort of stepping stool. Hmmm. Unusual, because the door is usually up. I guess she had just taken the bowl out of the washer and had left the door down. I bet by now you've guessed what happened next. Yep. Full bowl of food, face down inside the dishwasher. I heard her say "Crap. That's gonna take a while to clean up..." Then she looked at me, looked inside the dishwasher, removed the bottom rack and let me loose!

HEAVEN!!!!!!!

He Who Smelt It...

OK, it happened again. One of the people that lives here "broke wind." "Tooted." "Let one rip." "Cut the cheese." "Passed gas." What do you think happened next? "Haaaannnnnaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" The nerve. Why do you people always have to blame the dog? It's as if you think we don't understand English or something.

Just say "excuse me" and be done with it.

Hannah

Am I Spoiled?

This is my dog door.  Elegant, isn't it?  I'd like to give a big shout out to the person who built it for me...I think his name is Eric...I've seen him on tv, but he's pretty good with a saw and a hammer, too.  At first I was a little afraid to go near it.  Isn't that silly?  I still catch myself scratching at the back door to go out.  Unless the gardener shows up.  Then I'm out that dog door like a bat out of hell, teeth snarling, saliva dripping.

The door is a little tight for me.  My sides rub.  Also, it was quite a drop on the other side, but now we have nice doggie steps to make it easier.  Dougal fits through it just fine.  I think they measured him instead of me when building it.  I actually think my person keeps my food portions down just so I will fit!

I think it could use a red carpet, don't you?

Sometimes, when I really don't feel like going through this thing, I just pee on the floor in front of it.  I don't know why they get so mad about that.

Hannah

Vanity

I'm thinking of getting a nose job.  Other dogs stare at it and I feel self conscious.  Do you think it's too big?  Also, my teats are a little small, and they are not symmetrical.  Maybe I'll get it all done at once.

Hannah

Jailed!

I was bad.  I spent a few hours in "solitary."  But it was worth it.

My person leaves her bagpipe case within easy reach, on a bench in the entry.  Man, what a temptation.  The smells that come out of that thing are tantalizing.  If only I could get the case open, a world of delights would await me.  There are pockets on the side, however, just above nose level.  Tempting.  I would like a little credit here, for being good MOST of the time, because I really love the piper and I don't want to upset her.  But on this particular day, the urge was too strong.  

In one of the pockets is a particularly delightful treat.  It says "REEDS" on it.  They are crunchy little savory morsels, perfect for chewing.  They do have a little copper tube in the middle, but not to worry, it goes down easy!  I managed to pull the whole case down, and luck put the reed pocket within easy reach.  There were several boxes in there, so I decided to go for the one that says "Band Reeds."  For some reason, that one was particularly pungent, with many different saliva smells.  I chewed open the box and spread my bounty all over the carpet.  I wanted to roll my body all over them and bask in the glory of my achievement.  I managed to give some of them a good chew, when my heart stopped.  Instant adrenaline!  The Door!  OMG she's home early!

I tried, I really did, to look like nothin' was goin' on.  But I think she noticed the reeds spread all over the floor.  "Hannnnaaaaaaahhhhhhh!  Oh My God!  What have you Done?"  Then her face contorted and I RAN for the dog door.  I don't know where I was thinking I would go after that.  She knows her way around this place pretty good.  Nowhere to hide.  Anyway, she got me while I was half way out.  I let out a yelp.  She picked me up, stomped over to the scene of the "crime," called me a bad dog (I hate it when she does that...), and encouraged me strongly to get in my crate.  Dang.  Is $500 a lot of money?

The next part was pretty funny.  She got on all fours with her you know what in the air, and started looking at the reeds, one by one, real close.  She found MOST of the ones I'd been chewing and crunched them up on the floor, like she was putting out a cigarette.  Angrily.  Then she left the house.  After putting her case up on the dining table.

Hours went by.  Finally she came home and let me out.  I could have been really mad, but I acted like I was happy to see her anyway.  It's what dogs do.

That's all for today.

Hannah